just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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