gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize