Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
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Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
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20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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