Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
