i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
