I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
