My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Text me some of your sweat
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
