i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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