:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
