Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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