Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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