the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
