he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
