im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
