Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
