fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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