she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
