its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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