I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
