Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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