Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
