Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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