Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
