Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
