so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
