So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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