My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
