billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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