hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
