People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
