It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
