OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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