Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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