Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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