Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
