I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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