I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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