i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
