Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
