she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
