We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it's like iHOP with fire
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
