if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
