hotel room ftw
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
