end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
