What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
