awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
