I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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