Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
