I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
