Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
