I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
