Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
