Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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