i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
