I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
operation have a gay friend backfired
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
