Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
