kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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