I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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