he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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