It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
