found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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