well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
