I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
