We're like a lot better than the average bears
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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