We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Boobs are out for the taking
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
