It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
