forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
