i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
