A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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