dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
