Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
