i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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