just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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