so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
