I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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