Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
